LGBTQ in Conservative Communities: Four Ways to Find Support

a rainbow flag is flying in front of a building

Being an LGBTQ person in a culturally conservative community comes with unique challenges. Maybe you live in a red state or a small, rural town. Maybe your family’s culture or religion doesn’t make space for queer people. Perhaps you work for a conservative political organization. You probably feel isolated and struggle to find affirming spaces where you are free to be yourself. You may fear rejection or even violence. Whether you decide to maintain or sever ties with people who struggle to fully embrace your identity, creating boundaries and finding support are essential to your well-being.

1. Build A Trusted Circle of Allies

Think about someone in your life whom you really trust. It could be a family member, friend, classmate, or coworker. This should be someone you feel safe with, someone you can confide in, and who is supportive and nonjudgmental. It should be someone who is fairly open-minded. If you’re really lucky, you can think of more than one person. If you’ve already come out, these are usually the people who reacted with hugs, smiles, and sincere words of affirmation. If you haven’t come out, this is someone who seems like they would be the easiest to tell.

To identify potential allies, have some conversations to test the waters for acceptance. Start with small, safe conversations to gauge support. “I was reading about the recent Pride event in Little Rock. Have you ever thought about attending something like that?” If their reaction is open and curious, you might take it as a sign they could be an ally.

Are you aware of their perspectives on LGBTQ people from a personal, political, or religious standpoint? Do they have any LGBTQ people in their life? If so, how do they feel about them? Answers to these questions can guide you in your search for support.

If the idea of coming out feels overwhelming, it’s okay to take your time. If you are physically or financially dependent on someone, you are not obligated to come out to them, especially if doing so could threaten your well-being. If you can’t think of anyone in your life who would support you, don’t panic-just keep reading.

2. Find Resources Online

As long as we have access to an internet connection, we don’t have to be isolated within our geographic communities. By going online, we can find information, connection, and support from all over the world. Seek out LGBTQ forums, virtual support groups, or apps where you can chat with other folks with similar experiences. Use good judgment to be safe online; never give out personal information and be very cautious meeting anyone in-person.

  • Reddit is a social media platform where users share content, ask questions, and discuss topics in niche communities called subreddits.
  • TrevorSpace is a safe online community for LGBTQ young people ages 13-24 to explore their identities, find support, and make friends.
  • Facebook allows you to search for groups specific to your area or region. These may focus on specific interests, identities, or causes, so you can find a supportive community that aligns with your own experiences.

3. Create Personal Boundaries for Self-Preservation

Boundaries are limits that define what is or is not acceptable behavior between people. Boundaries are important for self-care, self-respect, and healthy relationships. They help build trust, safety, and respect. They also help define where one person ends and another begins.

To figure out your boundaries, ask yourself some questions. What are your personal values? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you want to keep private? Once you know what your boundaries are, it’s your responsibility to communicate them clearly to other people (again, assuming you are out of the closet). Your boundaries with a trusted ally are probably going to look quite different from your boundaries with an unsupportive acquaintance.

  • Exit Strategy: If conversations become hurtful or invalidating, prepare a neutral statement to exit the conversation without escalating tension. For example, “I’d rather not talk about this right now,” or “Let’s agree to disagree and move on.”
  • Limit Emotional Exposure: You can choose to minimize interactions with individuals who are consistently negative about your identity. If full avoidance is not possible or desirable, keep interactions superficial or limit time spent together.
  • Change the Subject: Sometimes a simple redirection works well. If the topic of your identity comes up in a way that makes you uncomfortable, shift the focus to work, hobbies, or a shared interest.

4. Seek Out LGBTQ-Affirming Mental Health Professionals

Unless you’ve spent your whole life in an exceptionally affirming environment, chances are you would benefit from counseling. Find a professional who has experience working with LGBTQ clients. Ask them how they address the unique needs of people facing homophobia or transphobia. I should mention that the scientific community at large has determined that any kind of “therapy” that aims to change someone’s sexual orientation or gender identity is unethical and potentially harmful.

  • Wellspring Renewal Center: Talk to me (Trevor Trietsch) or my colleague Michelle Ainsworth Swilling, right here in Little Rock. We would be happy to walk with you on your journey.
  • Cardinal Counseling: A local counseling clinic in North Little Rock with some excellent LGBTQ therapists.
  • Psychology Today: Users can filter for therapists who specialize in LGBTQ care. Make sure to note the therapist’s location or if they offer telehealth services in your state.
  • The Gay Therapy Center: A resource dedicated to providing therapy for LGBTQ individuals, offering remote services across the world.

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